Yesterday morning Paul and I had our follow up appointment with the GP to discuss our first lot of fertility test results…and it was good news as all the results were perfectly normal!
Our GP is great, I don’t know whether perhaps she’s got personal experience of loss or infertility or whether she’s just a very good Dr but she just seems to get it. She doesn’t think we’re being impatient or worrying about nothing, and she’s being proactive in getting as many preliminary tests done now as she can so that as soon as we hit the 12 month mark of unsuccessfully trying she can refer us to the fertility clinic.
So the next step is for me to have a pelvic scan to make sure that, in her words, everything is structurally as it should be, and to rule out ovarian cysts etc due to my suddenly wacky periods and general discomfort at random times of the month. It’s not very scientific but I just feel like something is a bit off with my body, so I’m really glad to be having a scan. It’s one step closer to figuring out what the hold up is and that’s definitely no bad thing as far as I’m concerned. She also mentioned possibly testing me for endometriosis so I really feel as though she’s doing her best to figure out if there is any reason we’re not getting pregnant.
But the biggest take away from this appointment for me was that she told me if I do get pregnant again that I need to contact her straight away so that they can refer me to a specialist to try and minimise the risk of another miscarriage. This has NEVER ever been mentioned to me in any of my pregnancies before, even though I’ve always felt I probably should have some sort of extra monitoring or gynaecological checks early on. She mentioned the possibility of using low dose aspirin as a way of minimising the risk of miscarriage, as well as the possibility of an incompetent cervix (I had Lletz loop treatment about 4 years ago and have always wondered if that’s played a role in my losses) and it being worth a specialist checking that out and maybe putting a little stitch in if necessary to protect pregnancy. She said that those were just some things that she was aware of, but that a specialist would obviously have other ideas too, but generally she left me feeling hopeful.
I feel so much more positive than I have in months. Not only knowing that, on the surface at least, Paul and I are perfectly fertile, but also knowing that any future pregnancies will be better managed with more support and hopefully less anxiety.
We took a little break from trying last month. It was needed. My mental health was starting to suffer and I was starting to break. The break has done/is doing me good for sure and that makes me nervous to throw myself back in to the world of ovulation testing and obsessive two week waits, especially now. Next month, 17th November, would’ve been my due date.
Up until we took this little break in trying I felt this immense pressure and panic that I absolutely had to be pregnant again before my due date rolled around. The thought of having to go through that day without the hope of a new pregnancy to lean on is scary. I don’t know how I’ll cope with it, but taking some time out to think about it has given me a bit more perspective. I’ve made my peace with not being pregnant for it, and with that I seem to have let go of a lot of anxiety as well as the pressure I was piling on myself. So now the big question is, do we start actively trying again this month? Half of me wants to, but half of me can’t face feeling crushed again every month it doesn’t happen.