Angry and sad 

Last night I heard some really devastating news. A friend I’ve met through my blog who’s miracle baby was due the same time as my little one, has lost her precious boy. I can’t begin to tell you how heartbroken I am for her and her husband. She’s been an amazing support to me over the months, and although we’ve never met I’ve always felt a strong connection to her. I know that many of you will know the pain of losing a child and so I ask that you send out lots of love and support. 

On a personal note, I’m really really angry. It isn’t fair. Nobody deserves to experience that pain, and once is bad enough. I’m hurt and angry and upset that the universe can do this to her again. I sobbed hot angry tears when I heard the horrible news, and honestly even after a nights sleep and a day in work I still feel I could do the same. It’s times like these I struggle to understand the why. Why does this happen to good, caring, loving parents? Why are there so many children unloved and unwanted in our care system? Why are drug addicts and alcoholics able to carry and deliver healthy babies when women who do everything they can to keep their little ones safe suffer this loss over and over? It’s not fair. 

I am so hurt for my dear friend, and genuinely think that’s where all this anger and upset has come from. It’s on her behalf – Not that she’s posting angrily, she is as usual conducting herself with a dignity and strength I didn’t know was possible. 

I also have to acknowledge that I’m so upset because this is everything I fear. To get this far and still lose my baby. I fear it constantly, and when something awful happens to someone you know it sort of solidifes that fear. 

So today is a dark day and there’s a storm raging outside that kind of feels appropriate somehow. 

Be strong my friend. 

  

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4 thoughts on “Angry and sad ”

  1. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this loss either. We experienced a similar loss last February at the exact same spot in our pregnancy. At the time, I thought that the people who said “prayers” to me in online forums weren’t really praying or thinking of me…but I can think of nothing else right now. Almost every hour I pause in my day and send out love and prayers…and linger on the same thoughts you’ve posted here. Really it’s a testament to her goodness that so many “Internet strangers” are sending so much love across the ether. Life is precious and every moment is a miracle.

    Liked by 2 people

    1. Absolutely. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about it all day. I’ve sent out lots of love and support and I hope that brings some comfort because we all know, nothing anyone can say makes it any easier. I’m so sorry to hear that you’ve also been through something so awful, but so glad that through this community we are all able to find each other and support each other.

      Liked by 2 people

  2. You’re right that the words themselves just can’t help the way we want them to, but it did help me, immensely, to know that I wasn’t alone in my grief. It’s a small consolation in the face of loss, but it’s the best we can get in this world. Hugs to you and to our mutual friend.

    Liked by 2 people

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