Thumbs Up! 

Well if ever I needed reassurance that my little one is ok after scaring me Friday, this is it! 

  
Baby decided to let us know that he/she is doing just fine! Methinks this one is going to be quite the character! 💕 

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And breathe…

Panic over! The very lovely midwife listened to the heartbeat and baby is doing just fine. In fact he or she was kicking the Doppler the cheeky monkey! The pain I’m experiencing is round ligament pain after all so Dr Google was right at 1:30am this morning!!! 

Midwife said that its always best to come in and check, but that more often than not its nothing to worry about. She also very kindly said that anytime I’m worried I should call them, that they’re always happy to have a little listen to the heartbeat and check that everything is ok. So now I feel less like a panicky idiot and much happier for knowing that baby’s happy in there. I’ve said it before, but Royal Glamorgan Hospital is amazing. They are so fantastic and understanding there that it really makes me feel better. I feel I’m in safe hands. 

So now I’m headed home to have a soak in the bath and put my feet up for the evening. Thank you for your lovely messages of support and kindness – as always, it means so much to have your support. X 

Panic stations 

I’m on my way to the hospital. I’ve had a constant dull ache in my left hip/groin since yesterday afternoon bad enough that it kept me awake last night. I tried to calm myself and get on with work and everything but by lunch time my anxiety levels were through the roof so I tried my midwife only to find that she’s on leave. I tried my GP only to be told to phone back later. So as a last resort I tried the ante natal clinic at the hospital and explained to them. They’ve told me to come in and get checked out so I left work immediately and am en route now. I am absolutely shitting myself. I’ve tried to convince myself that it’s probably just round ligament pain, but now I’m thinking if it was that obvious surely they’d have told me that over the phone. So now I’m in a right state trying to compose myself so I don’t break down on public transport in front of several strangers. 

I just needed to get these thoughts out so once again, blog friends you’ve become my dumping ground. Fingers and toes crossed pleased that everything is ok. 

Angry and sad 

Last night I heard some really devastating news. A friend I’ve met through my blog who’s miracle baby was due the same time as my little one, has lost her precious boy. I can’t begin to tell you how heartbroken I am for her and her husband. She’s been an amazing support to me over the months, and although we’ve never met I’ve always felt a strong connection to her. I know that many of you will know the pain of losing a child and so I ask that you send out lots of love and support. 

On a personal note, I’m really really angry. It isn’t fair. Nobody deserves to experience that pain, and once is bad enough. I’m hurt and angry and upset that the universe can do this to her again. I sobbed hot angry tears when I heard the horrible news, and honestly even after a nights sleep and a day in work I still feel I could do the same. It’s times like these I struggle to understand the why. Why does this happen to good, caring, loving parents? Why are there so many children unloved and unwanted in our care system? Why are drug addicts and alcoholics able to carry and deliver healthy babies when women who do everything they can to keep their little ones safe suffer this loss over and over? It’s not fair. 

I am so hurt for my dear friend, and genuinely think that’s where all this anger and upset has come from. It’s on her behalf – Not that she’s posting angrily, she is as usual conducting herself with a dignity and strength I didn’t know was possible. 

I also have to acknowledge that I’m so upset because this is everything I fear. To get this far and still lose my baby. I fear it constantly, and when something awful happens to someone you know it sort of solidifes that fear. 

So today is a dark day and there’s a storm raging outside that kind of feels appropriate somehow. 

Be strong my friend. 

  

Happy, healthy, strong. 

It turns out that all my anxiety about today’s midwife appointment was completely unfounded. We’ve moved house and so have a different hospital now and honestly the midwives and other staff were all so so lovely today. They were smiley and excited and full of info for us (in a non scary overwhelming way obviously!) 

So, we went through the usual; blood pressure, wee sample, etc and then we got to hear little bub’s heartbeat…I’m not afraid to say I held my breath waiting for those little galloping sounds…and then there they were! The very lovely midwife let us record it (I’m pretty sure my friends and family have ensured it’s gone viral at this point!) and so we’ve listened to it a lot already. It’s such a weird, magical, lovely thing. 

I don’t know if there’s any truth to the old wives’ tale that the heart rate can indicate gender, but based on our little one’s heart rate (if you can believe the Internet) we’re having a girl. This is what I’ve felt all along, so I can believe it. We have our 20 week scan on the 1st of March so not long now to wait until we know either way. Not that we care. We’re just made up that we’ve got this far and we’re all healthy and happy. 

The midwife also asked me if I’d felt any movements yet and so I said yes I think I have but wondered if it’s too early and maybe I was just feeling what I wanted to feel. She said it’s not too early at all and that if I think I felt it, then I felt it! I’m feeling so much more relaxed and happy now. I’m really happy with my new midwife (the old one was a bit of a drip to be honest!) and she says it’s likely to be her that I see all the way through now which is lovely. 

Anyway, that’s today’s happy little update! 🙂